I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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