Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
