very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
