just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
