i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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