made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize