like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
