if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
