I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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