Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
