you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sext me about skeletons
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
