In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
