I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Holy sore nipples Batman
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
