We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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