Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
