If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
