I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
