my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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