This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
