can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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