Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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