I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
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Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize