I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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