and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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