I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
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Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
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