Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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