i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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