stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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