You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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