Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
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