i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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