just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
