I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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