1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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