That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Randomize
