Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
