It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
