So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
