she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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