do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
