Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
