I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
