I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
