i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the condom got lost in my hair
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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