She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
