Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
