I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
