Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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