Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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