I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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