He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
