I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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