allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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