I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
