didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
