I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
