Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
