i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my shit smells like andre
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
