I faked an abortion last night.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
