Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
