i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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