I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
