why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
