The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
