Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
