If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
