I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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