then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
