For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
