Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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