Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
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somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
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am i new drunk or am i still drunk
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
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