You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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