I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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