then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
