just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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