also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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