Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
