Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
