We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Randomize
